Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
