It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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