pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
