I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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