I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
