After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
