dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
