She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize