too bad you live with your parents still
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
