the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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