he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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