TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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