is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
