I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
