Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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