Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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