you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
