:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he puts the penis in happiness.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
