Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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