Redeem this text for a blowjob
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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