Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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