Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
