i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
