Your tits are I can't wait for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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