bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
