When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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