i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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