remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
