May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
