A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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