Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
