i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
