If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
