But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
