I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have aggressive nipples.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
