you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
