please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
