my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
