Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
