I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
