My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
