Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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