every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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