i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
