I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
