Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
