Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize