If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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