My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
