I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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