I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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