i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
