based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
