I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
