I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
