You're completely useless in the revolution.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
