he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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