I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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