proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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