so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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