Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
