Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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