Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
