Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
