I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
