Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
