glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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