Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
