I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
